TEDx

‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’

That is THE question that has annoyed and terrified young people forever. 

Answering it was never easy, and it got even more complicated in 2010 when we were all told we need to ‘’start with why’’, that we need purpose to feel happy and fulfilled at work. 

But people are still quitting their jobs in record numbers and even worse, the number of people staying in the job and being miserable has never been so high. 

So, is finding your ‘why’ enough to make you happy? 

Or is it just creating unnecessary pressure?

That's what happened to me, I am 25 years old, I finish my university and start working as a high-school science teacher in Montreal. I love the job from the moment I step into the classroom. I love how engaged the students are, how they are willing to learn and how much of my creativity I can bring in to work. When in the classroom, I am filled with a great sense of purpose, and I am convinced that this is going to be my job for the rest of my life. 

But after about 2 months, what happens outside the classroom starts to take its toll. I have no patience for office politics as many colleagues are very negative, push back on new ideas and constantly complain.

Oh, and I also hate supervising students, so they don’t misbehave during lunch, and often have to supervise detention. I never signed up to be a police officer!

This all adds up and starts to affect how I feel about the job, and, by the end of the school year, I can't take it anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love my time with the students, but that sense of purpose just isn't enough anymore. The moment I have an opportunity to leave, boom, I am gone. 

For the young people out there, you know when you're deciding what to do with your life, you must think about??

What mom and dad want you to do 

· What your friends expect you to do;

· What you think you'll be good at;

· What you think you'll like;

· What will make you money;

· What will make you look good on social media; 

· What's good for the planet;

· What you won't regret choosing in a few years;

· And now you're also expected to find something that fills you with a sense of purpose??

Arghhhhhh. It's enough to drive anyone up the wall.

The reality is that you could spend years thinking about all those things, weighing every single factor in your decision and it still won't matter, ‘cause you simply cannot know what a job truly is until… you're actually doing it… 

Even if you manage to choose a career that is perfectly aligned with your "why", when you start that job, there’s a good chance your day-to-day will be filled with learning the basics and performing boring tasks that are so-so linked to what you thought the job was like. 

You're going in to make the world a better place, and next thing you know you're in a three-hour meeting discussing the font size of the next company newsletter! When you're in that place, any talk of a purpose will sound absurd. 

After some time, though, that will change. 

You've been working for a while, you know what you're good at, what you like and dislike doing. 

So, you might want to feel that your work has meaning, that the job where you spend most of your time is more than "just a job."

So, you’ll look for a company that offers you a sense of mission, that makes you feel like you're making a difference in the world. And then you can finally say that you "start with why."

But if purpose is so important, why is it never mentioned as one of the reasons people ‘leave a job’? 

What actually matters is your relationship with your manager, your relationship with your teammates and how you fit with the culture of the organization.

If you're looking for a job you love, those are the things you need to look for. 

So, as we spend most of our lives at work, it's no surprise we want that work to have meaning. 

And yet a sense of purpose doesn't stop you from ‘leaving’ the job and, more importantly, it's not enough to make you love it. 

Take my wife, for example… 

Stephanie is an optometrist - an eye doctor.

Most of her days are spent getting people new prescriptions, recommending sunwear, daily disposable contacts, eye drops for dry eye... Those things are the bread and butter of her job. 

She always accepts patients with eye emergencies, but if she must wait to save someone's eyes to feel a sense of purpose, she'll hate her job for 11 months of the year. 

If you ask her, though, she absolutely loves what she's doing, and it's because of things like what happened the other day. 

So, this long-time patient, let’s call her Mary, calls in for an emergency. My wife decides to skip lunch ‘again’ and see her.

As Mary enters the exam room, in panic mode…

- Dr, I can't see anymore! 

- Ok. First, are your glasses ok? 

- Yes, they are. 

- All right, let's check your eyes… 

They go through the tests, my wife looks at the Mary’s file, and says: 

"Hm, according to the results Mary, your vision has not changed at all, you should be seeing fine. Unless… Mary… Are these really ‘your’ glasses?" 

Mary checks the glasses again, pauses for a moment, and goes, 

"Oh. These are actually not mine! They're my husband's…"

And they both laugh until they cry!

These are the things that make Stephanie love her job: 

● She has weird and funny stories just like this every week.

● She helps people with small things that don't feel small to them.

● She connects with people and builds relationships.

The way most people think about purpose, is that they're looking for some big spectacular impact somewhere else from where they are, and often far in the future. 

That almost never works. 

What you need to do is to look for the small things that are right in front of you every day. 

● How you help your colleagues, clients, patients. 

● Conversations with your colleagues. 

● The weird funny stories you’ll share with your friends at the weekend BBQ. 

Those interactions will define how you'll spend most of your time. Of course, if they can accumulate and snowball into some world-changing impact, that's amazing. Yet learning to appreciate them right now is how you get to love your job. 

That has been my experience ever since that school job. It's my wife's experience every day. And it's also what the research says:

There's a growing body of evidence that suggests that practicing gratitude in the workplace fosters stronger relationships, higher engagement, greater resilience, and creates a better feeling of connection to our job.

Here's how you do that: 

Take a quiet moment, sit down, and think about your current job.

Now write down everything you love doing at that job. As many things you love to do. Let’s go for at least 5. 

Now whenever you say to yourself ‘why am I doing this job?,’ you can go back to that list and remind yourself. 

And if you ever decide to pursue your adventure somewhere else, it will be a ‘prescription’ for finding a job you love. 

Now - If you're a student, write down all the things you loved doing in your last school year, and look for a job that allows you to do those things - or at least some of them! - everyday. 

· Maybe it's the time you work without interruptions. 

· it's meeting new people. 

· it's learning new things.

Whatever puts a smile on your face.

The more of those things you find in your day-to-day, the easier it will be to love your job. 

Now, I'm not saying that a bigger purpose, a bigger WHY isn't needed, and I’m not saying that ‘any job’ is worth doing if you enjoy it…By all means, SERVE someone other than yourself!

What I am saying is that purpose, the way most people define it, is not the ONLY thing you need, and it might not be a great ‘starting’ point for some of us.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" was never a great question to answer,

and being told to "Start with Why" might not be the magic answer it's made out to be.

Let's focus on HOW we do our jobs everyday. 

That's how we find happiness at work. 

Some might say “find a job you love.”

But I say, “you can love the job you have”.